Now, how can I help you?

[...] tate. I listened to those around me, to what others saw in me. I cried. Not for [...]…

I have found your writing and insights most astute and interesting. Ose, you are so intelligent and you write extremely well. I find it hard to believe that it is a problem for you and I am curious about the past getting heavy. But I totally sympathize with you about being overwhelmed.

I think it’s cool that you don’t write for months if you don’t feel you want to or have figured out what to write about, or don’t have anything profound to say. totally honest. Perhaps it’s more akin to nature and the seasons…as now it is raining and it draws us inward. We light the fireplace. Days are darker. We turn inward and cozy up with a book.

But I think I have made the same mistake. I have yet to upload all of my pictures from my summer ventures in Europe reconnecting with family in Germany and the most incredible 10 days in the Marais in Paris in our own apartment. Yes, I feel there are so many bloggers out there who have said it better, done it better…why should I add my own meek experience. And then I talk to a friend who hasn’t been there and wants to hear about my trip and realize that my own personal experience might enlighten and entertain a friend. When I think of finding my voice and it comes from the heart and I can share some of the beauty and joy I have found in the world with a friend…there it is, I can find my voice if I have someone in mind I am speaking to…it’s that sense of story, our story, our view of the world, why it means something to us that I find interesting. I know I am always looking back and searching forward, scanning, sifting, searching. When I see beauty, feel connected to nature, see laughter in children, connect with a friend, figure something out that has perplexed me, then I know I’m on the right track. when I read someone else’s interpretation of the search, and understanding…it does help me.

Sharing your struggles helps me sort out my own struggles. Wasn’t it Dr. Hallowell that said the deluge of data and information can be overwhelming. I know I can get quite absorbed with reading and have to be careful to turn it all off and live my life and get out and enjoy the world. But someone else’s experience such as your poignant story of your friend’s diagnosis of cancer and the necessity to think about it, read about it, reflect on it, is helpful. I found it interesting that I was also drawn to Dr. Remen and her work with cancer patients and her writing as being profound and helpful. Love her and her work. I was very moved by her book “My Grandfather’s Blessings” where she recounts her relationship with her grandfather, a rabbi.

Please keep writing and blogging. I appreciate your heart, your insights, your struggles (fellow ADDer that I am), your artistic sensibilities, and trust you as one who is not driven by self-promotion. So Please continue on, I’m listening.
(Now see I’m just a little embarrassed to send this out into the public domain when I think of who might be reading this and possibly criticize me for blathering too much and that I get so off topic and that I often don’t know how to stop.) there it is, all that insecurity…never goes away, but I’ll send this off anyway (ANTS be gone!) and I won’t go back and edit this either…