Posts Tagged ‘listening’

View from the Edge

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Listening Generously - SPOF ProgramEarly spring, a close friend was diagnosed with anal cancer late stages. She is undergoing chemotherapy and radiation. Her oncologist believes she will make it through. My friend, I’ll call her Heather, wants to believe this too.

Heather has a serious agenda. Her objective is total healing. And to experience total healing, she must ask life-giving questions. Other questions, like “what’s wrong with the tv,” or “why did I do that,” or “what’s wrong with me,” do not qualify.

If a word emanates life, she holds it like a precious gem. If it sucks life away, she casts it away like cement clumps. Heather’s battle is about the words but also discovery. What is essential? What is worth living for? Answers to those questions bring everything else into perspective.

Listening to Heather reminds me of what I heard Rachel Naomi Remen say to Krista Tippett on a recent airing of the NPR program “Speaking of Faith.”

Dr. Remen said, “the view from the edge of life is so much clearer than the view that most of us have, that what seems to be important is much more simple and accessible for everybody, which is who you’ve touched on your way through life, who’s touched you. What you’re leaving behind you in the hearts and minds of other people is far more important than whatever wealth you may have accumulated.”

Accumulating a lifetime of wisdom through her own battle with chronic illness and her work with patients and doctors, Dr. Remen sees cancer patients or “people who have encountered very difficult experiences in their lives as teachers, teachers of wisdom.”

I agree. And so as I spend time with my dear friend I am seeking answers to what is most important. Heather in her battle to live well is adding to my repository of deep understanding. She is to me a window to treasure found only from the edge of life.

Don’t Trash, Converse to Learn

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Sculpted by Nancy Schön

In my previous entry, I shared my son’s pile of “treasure” which some might perceive as trash. Using that metaphor as a segue, I offer some communication gems that can help us draw out treasure from an exchange.

In the Society for Organizational Learning’s journal “Reflections“, Raymond D. Jorgensen  shares “five guidelines for learning conversations.”  He credits Sue Miller-Hurst for developing these communication disciplines. They are as follows:

  • Listen for understanding. Allow the true intent of your hearing to be to understand what the person is trying to say. Dispense with other objectives until you really grasp the full picture of their words.
  • Speak from the heart. Fill the silence, not just to fill the silence, but to contribute in a way that genuinely reflects who you are, and what you wish to add to the greater understanding.
  • Suspend judgment. Procrastinate your assumptions, opinions. Shelve your rightness temporarily – at least until later.
  • Hold space for differences. Be inclusive of alternate viewpoints. Draw out those who are silent. Actively emphasize diversity of perspectives as a door to learning.
  • Slow down the inquiry. Let the dialogue breathe within silence. Don’t try to fill every moment with words.

What could emerge in dialogue for you if you practiced these disciplines?

A bit more on dialogue:
http://www.co-intelligence.org/P-dialogue.html
http://www.david-bohm.net/dialogue/

Trash or Treasure

Friday, April 9th, 2010
Treasure

Treasure

My son collects “treasure.” He tucks away pieces of pencil graphite that he picks up off the floor of his classroom. These small 1/8″ pieces gather on his desk. I am not sure what he will do with them. But he values them.

He also gathers plastic tops of various colors. Aluminum wrappers, colored in green or red are other favorites. Objects that others neglect come into his possession. He is the lucky ward of such jewels.

Dare I say this is trash? Why would I? They are special to him. Just because I might not collect such things or think them valuable- does not license me to dismiss his penchant for such items. For to love my son, is to respect him, to value what he values, to seek to understand beyond my comprehension.